“Jealousy is a Green-Eyed Monster” – Quote
“Othello – William Shakespeare
– ACT 3, SCENE 3, PAGE 8
|Nor for my manhood, honesty, and wisdom
To let you know my thoughts.
|It wouldn’t be wise, honest, or responsible for me to tell them.|
What dost thou mean?
What are you talking about?
Good name in man and woman, dear my lord,
Is the immediate jewel of their souls.
Who steals my purse steals trash. ‘Tis something, nothing:
‘Twas mine, ’tis his, and has been slave to thousands.
But he that filches from me my good name
Robs me of that which not enriches him
And makes me poor indeed.
A good reputation is the most valuable thing we have—men and women alike. If you steal my money, you’re just stealing trash. It’s something, it’s nothing: it’s yours, it’s mine, and it’ll belong to thousands more. But if you steal my reputation, you’re robbing me of something that doesn’t make you richer, but makes me much poorer.
I’ll know thy thoughts.
I’m going to find out what you’re thinking.
You cannot, if my heart were in your hand,
Nor shall not, whilst ’tis in my custody.
You can’t find that out, even if you held my heart in your hand you couldn’t make me tell you. And as long my heart’s inside my body, you never will.
Oh, beware, my lord, of jealousy!
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on. That cuckold lives in bliss
Who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger,
But, oh, what damnèd minutes tells he o’er
Who dotes, yet doubts— suspects, yet soundly loves!
Beware of jealousy, my lord! It’s a green-eyed monster that makes fun of the victims it devours. The man who knows his wife is cheating on him is happy, because at least he isn’t friends with the man she’s sleeping with. But think of the unhappiness of a man who worships his wife, yet doubts her faithfulness. He suspects her, but still loves her.
Oh, what misery!
Poor and content is rich, and rich enough,
But riches fineless is as poor as winter
To him that ever fears he shall be poor.
Good heaven, the souls of all my tribe defend
The person who’s poor and contented is rich enough. But infinite riches are nothing to someone who’s always afraid he’ll be poor. God, help us not be jealous!
“The Divine Image” – William Blake (From: “Songs of Experience”)
Cruelty has a human heart,
And Jealousy a human face;
Terror the human form divine,
And secrecy the human dress.
The human dress is forged iron,
The human form a fiery forge,
The human face a furnace seal’d,
The human heart its hungry gorge.
“Jealousy” – Janor
Growing by the moment
when hearing fortune
when seeing happiness
Feeling even weaker
when hearing luck
when seeing love
Just by others
never happening to you
never seeing your own good
A green eyed monster within,
in behaviour Satan’s akin.
Other’s possessions are his attraction,
flies on wings of dissatisfaction.
Hopes more for other’s loss than his gain,
can take ugliest of forms without constraint.
“Envy and Jealousy” – David Harris
We walk paths on our own way,
while others try to force us
to walk paths with only them.
Some get ungrateful
if we only walk awhile,
and then help someone else
on their lonely mile.
They get jealous
if we do for others
what you are only expected
to do just for them.
Therefore, it goes on and on,
until one day they look around,
finding their demands
have left them without friends.
They so want to be noticed,
and they’ll do anything they can,
to try to force people
to notice them.
They wonder why
no one listens to their needs.
Wonder why people begin to turn away.
They forget about their demands
they put on others to stay,
they can only see what is good for them,
and not that others have needs to.
So they hurt those they should not,
hoping it will make them feel better.
Instead, it makes them feel worse
for their anger only forces people away.
Envy vs. Jealousy
The main difference between envy and jealousy is that envy is the emotion of coveting what someone else has, while jealousy is the emotion related to fear that something you have will be taken away by someone else.
Envy means “to bear a grudge toward someone due to coveting what that person has or enjoys.” In a milder sense, it means “the longing for something someone else has without any ill will intended toward that person.”
Envy is the emotion when you want a possession someone else has.
Jealous means “apprehensive or vengeful out of fear of being replaced by someone else.” It can also mean “watchful,” “anxiously suspicious,” “zealous,” or “expecting complete devotion.” The last is normally applied to God.
|Example||I envy her possessions or situation.||I am jealous that you like her over me.|
Jealousy is the emotion when you fear you may be replaced in the affection of someone you love or desire.
When things are going right for you, chances are there’s someone in your life who is jealous of your success. You probably wish the person could just be happy for you, but it’s important to remember that jealousy is a natural emotion that we all experience from time to time. You can deal with it by giving the person extra attention, being a little humbler, and putting yourself in his or her shoes. If you want to know how to deal with your jealous friend, sibling, coworker or partner, keep reading.
Part 1 of 3: Understanding Jealousy
Figure out why the person is jealous. Understanding the root of the jealousy will help you decide how to move forward. Sometimes people are jealous for a very concrete reason, while other times the jealousy stems from a vague sense that your life is somehow charmed. Others might get jealous if you’re spending a lot of time with other people instead of focusing your attention on them. Reflect on what factors are at play in your specific situation.
- It is very common for people in similar fields to get jealous of each other’s accomplishments. For example, if you’re an actor who just landed a great role, your actor friend is probably going to feel a twinge of jealousy – who wouldn’t? This type of jealousy will usually pass fairly quickly.
- Another common source of jealousy is attention. Your sister might get jealous if you’ve been spending a lot of time with your new best friend. This type of jealousy is often easy to remedy.
- Some forms of jealousy run deeper and can take much longer to pass. If the jealous person is having a difficult time, he or she might find it impossible to be happy for you until things are looking up.
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. People who are jealous can be hard to be around. Jealousy is a negative emotion that can cause people to cry out for attention and behave in annoying or selfish ways. However, if you want to preserve your relationship with the jealous person, you need to put yourself in that person’s shoes. Think about a time when you were jealous. Did you feel powerless? Insecure? Inferior? These are the feelings the jealous person is experiencing, and they aren’t easy to deal with. Try to approach the situation from an understanding, empathetic point of view.
Think about what ultimately made you feel better after a bout of jealousy. Is there a way you can help the jealous person by applying what you learned?
Beware manipulative behavior. When jealousy gets out of control, it can lead people to act selfishly to make themselves feel better. The jealous person might try to pit you against someone else, tear you down at work to make you look bad, or subtly wear down your self confidence by being critical and mean. Having empathy is great, but it’s also important to recognize if you’re being harmed by the jealous person, and act accordingly.
- If you have a jealous significant other, he or she might become controlling. This can quickly get out of hand, so it’s important to nip this sort of jealousy in the bud as soon as possible.
Part 2 of 3: Dealing With It
Don’t brag about your accomplishments too much. It’s possible you are feeding the jealousy by talking up your big raise, or how you aced your finals, or how you have a perfect relationship with your husband. It’s perfectly fine to share positive news and achievements with your friends and family, but try not to take it to far. Be sensitive to what is going on in other people’s lives, and if necessary, censor yourself a bit to save their feelings.
- For example, if you have a colleague who has been trying to have a baby for years, and you recently became pregnant, try not to talk incessantly about your pregnancy in front of her. Discuss it with people who aren’t as sensitive about this particular issue.
- Be gracious and humble about your accomplishments. If you’re being rewarded at work, for example, accept the reward and accolades with proper thanks, then move on.
Compliment the person often. Giving praise and complements to a jealous person is an excellent way to undermine his or her negative feelings. Jealousy stems from insecurity, and bolstering someone’s confidence is the perfect antidote. Next time your friend gets asked out on a date, or your colleague makes a big sale, go out of your way to share in the person’s excitement.
- Be sincere. If you want other people to be sincerely happy for you, you’ve got to find it in your heart to do the same for them.
Give the person a little extra time and attention. A lot of people get jealous when they feel someone no longer has time for them. Maybe you’ve gotten really busy with school and don’t call your friend every other night like you used to. If you want to preserve the friendship, it’s worth taking time out of your schedule to have a coffee date, schedule a phone call, or write an email explaining that your schedule has gotten packed lately.
- If your friend is jealous that you’ve been hanging out with someone new, try inviting her along so you can go out as a group next time.
- If your partner feels left out because you spend most of your time at work, set aside a special date night during which you turn off your phone and focus all of your attention on your loved one.
Gently confront the person if necessary. If nothing else is working, it might be time to have a talk with the person who is acting jealous. Owning up to jealousy can be embarrassing, so be careful how you approach the conversation.
- Instead of saying “I think you’re jealous of me,” point out the person’s behavior. Say you’ve noticed he or she seems distant or upset, and explain that you’d like to know what you can do to help.
- Tell the person things aren’t always what they seem, and that no one’s life is perfect. Everyone has ups and downs, and you are no exception. Help the person see that you’ve been in his or her shoes before.
Decide to ignore it. If you don’t want to confront the person, you can also choose to simply ignore the behavior and wait for it to go away without your intervention. Let the dark looks and negative comments roll off your back. When life starts getting better for the jealous person, he or she will probably stop being jealous and start being a good friend again.
Part 3 of 3: Knowing How Much is Too Much
Figure out whether the jealousy is toxic. When jealousy becomes an obsession, it can become toxic to a relationship, and even lead to abuse. If the person who is jealous of you becomes mean, controlling, and irrational, there’s not going to be much you can do to change things. The jealous person will experience your accomplishments as personal setbacks, and may work actively to bring you down.
Decide whether the relationship is worth keeping. If a person’s jealousy has become toxic, think hard about whether the relationship is something you want in your life. The jealous person’s behavior has taken a dark turn, and at this point it’s making your life more difficult.
- If the person is your partner, consider whether you really want to continue being in a romantic relationship with him or her.When extreme jealousy is present in a relationship, there’s a fundamental trust problem at its root.
- If the person is your friend or colleague, you’ve probably had enough by now. It’s up to you to decide whether you want to stick with it. If you do, some serious repairs are in order.
End it before you get hurt. To end the relationship, explain that you’ve been seriously hurt by the person’s jealous behavior and you’ve decided the damage is irreparable. After that, stop contacting the person and do your best to move on. Ending a relationship is a hard choice to make, but extreme jealousy is as good a reason as any to pull the plug.
Jealousy is an angry feeling that stems from a belief that there is only a finite amount of love to go around and that your source of love is being diminished by the presence of another person. This means that it is an emotion that has evolved to protect one’s resources, particularly love and nurturing. It is an unpleasant emotion to experience and is very hard to shake. However, if you want to maintain a great relationship, then you have to learn to overcome your jealousy so that you can focus on what’s important — not on the threats that aren’t really there.
Irrational jealousy can poison any relationship. For example, it can ruin good communication between people, causing a downward spiral of unfounded arguments and fights. Clear, sensitive open communication is the key. Talk, express your needs and what you are willing to give. Be a peacemaker. Be a solution finder, not an accuser. Make sure that you are not basing such an unpleasant emotion on insufficient evidence.
Irrational jealousy indicates insecurity in a person’s self-worth and lack of confidence in his or her ability to attract and keep a partner interested. A lover who suspects a partner of unfaithfulness without having real evidence of that could literally “terrorize” him or her by constantly accusing and questioning. This could even lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy, being suspicious due to lack of trust, and questioning your partner about his whereabouts in an investigating manner can cause unnecessary fighting and conflicts and eventually break-ups of relationships that otherwise had great potential to develop and prosper. Don’t let this happen to you. If you believe that you subject your partner to your jealousy, start working on eliminating it immediately.
Ironically, some people may develop jealousy when their relationship is great and they are very happy with their partner. Their jealousy and their possessiveness is a side effect of their desire not to lose something that is very special and very precious to them. And the more precious their partner is to them, the more carefully people guard him / her by being jealous. That concern and fear of loss of someone very rare and special leads people to overprotecting it.
Eliminating jealousy is not a quick process. Jealousy is a trait of character, a frame of mind and an emotion, and as such – getting rid of it is a gradual evolution that requires work, self-reflection, patience, and persistence.
The great news is that the rewards of dealing with and overcoming jealousy will likely keep you free of jealousy for the rest of your life and will make your future relationships much more successful.
So, what are the steps that you can take to deal with and overcome jealousy and possessiveness? The first and the most important step in dealing with jealousy is, like with many other issues is recognizing that you have a problem. Most people who have jealousy issues are in denial and refuse to admit that their behavior and perception are irrational and their lack of trust is unsubstantiated by any real facts. Recognizing that you have a problem is essential to your motivation to work on it and to your success in overcoming jealousy. Once you have passed this crucial first step and have recognized that you are jealous, it may be in your best interests to adopt the following, proven-to-be-effective beliefs which will gradually eliminate your jealousy and all of its manifestations.
Become aware and accept the fact that whether you trust the person you are with or not, whether you question his actions or not, and whether you “spy” on him has no positive effect on his behavior and faithfulness. If a man or a woman wants to cheat, he / she will find a way to cheat, and there is nothing you can do to prevent it. So, stop it! Stop assuming the worst about him. Stop wondering where he is and what he is doing at any given moment! Assume the best about your partner and his faithfulness to you until and unless you have real reasons to believe otherwise.
Keep in mind that the only reason, the only thing that keeps your partner around you is his desire to be with you. Nothing else keeps either of you near each other. And his desire to be with you comes NOT from your pressure, your being jealous or your attempts to convince him to be faithful to you but from your other qualities that make you attractive and desirable. Your efforts to keep your partner have no positive effect on your relationship. If anything, it might put excess pressure on that person – something that no one enjoys and tolerates for very long. Remember that the best “leash” is the loose one or even better – a total absence thereof. To remove your mind from jealous thoughts, become a little more selfish. Spend more of your time and your emotional and intellectual resources on building yourself as an individual rather than perceiving yourself as part of the relationship. Work on your career and your other goals. Take a class in a field that you have an interest in, learn a new language, engage in a form of creative art, take a dance class, and do anything else that you have or might have an interest in, so that there is more to your life than just that relationship, and so that your life does not revolve around any given person and his faithfulness to you. Pursuing other objectives of your life will prevent you from obsessing over your partner and will keep you in a much healthier emotional state, free of jealousy.
By getting rid of jealousy, you will exhibit some of the most attractive qualities in you: your common sense, your confidence in yourself and in your ability to attract the other person and maintain his exclusive romantic interest in you, your value as a wise person, and your confidence in your partner’s feelings. Don’t miss out on such an easy way to demonstrate those great qualities by rising far above jealousy.
Remember, there is no insurance policy or collection agency for any relationship and jealousy certainly won’t help make it more stable. Whether you are casually dating someone or are married, whether you have been together for one month or twenty years, it’s possible that your relationship will end at any time for a hundred possible reasons. Not to be negative, but you should be aware of the reality of all relationships. What does this mean to you? This means that you should enjoy and appreciate your relationships as long as they last but at the same time accept and embrace the possibility that any such relationship might be over one day. And if it is, it will be tough, but you will get over it. It will not be the end of the world for you. Your duty is being the best you can be in a relationship that you want to have. The rest is NOT up to you. The rest depends on your partner and you have no control over it, and whatever you have no control over, should not concern you or be a cause of your anxieties.
As you are successfully fighting jealousy, you will start experiencing tremendous freedom – the freedom to enjoy your love life without the taxing pain of jealousy and insecurity and the pleasure of giving your partner a better, wiser, stronger, and happier you!
“Love Is Blue” – Andy Williams / Paul Mauriat
Blue is my world since I’m without you
Gray, gray, my life is gray
Cold is my heart since you went away
Red, red, my eyes are red
Crying for you alone in my bed
Green, green, my jealous heart
I doubted you and now we’re apart
When we met how the bright sun shone
Then love died, now the rainbow is gone
Black, black, the nights I’ve known
Longing for you so lost and alone
Gone, gone, the love we knew
Blue is my world now I’m without you.
Jealousy is one of the biggest handicaps to any strong and enduring relationship. It is one of the most debilitating factors that has the immense propensity, with the very force of its negativity, to wear down and eat away into the foundations of any given relationship – it is as relentless and heartless as a swarm of white ants. The simple fact is that when jealousy presides supreme, love has absolutely no place of being. When Jealousy is Green, Love is Blue – that is and always shall be the sad truth.
So, get rid of jealousy before it has the chance to eat away into your soul and your very being.
When Jealousy dies, Love presides. Let it stay that way!